


The Doctor's Problem

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Embarrassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-10-14 23:18:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17517716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Donna finds an old Gallifreyan record. To keep it from being played, the Doctor must explain something embarrassing. Awkwardness ensues..





	1. The Record

The Doctor was fiddling with the navigation settings to figure out why the TARDIS had taken them to the planet of the BATS rather than HATS. He did love bats, but by the way Donna had screamed when 5-6 of them were clawing at her hair, she did not share this opinion. After getting her hair in order, she decided to check out the cool storage room she'd discovered after exploring the TARDIS at the beginning of their travels together. The crib was still there, so the Doctor had clearly not realized that she'd been in there. This time though, her eyes fell to an old wooden chest. She opened it and at the top was an old record. It had the same Gallifreyan writing that Donna couldn't read. She suspected the TARDIS had been asked to make sure of this. She figured it must be an old childhood record, since she didn't think it plausible for the Doctor to have bought one as an adult. After all, the Doctor had mentioned them forcing one of his earliest regenerations on him, and exiling him. So clearly most of his run-ins with them wouldn't likely have given him time to shop. She decided to go back to the Doctor and play it through the console's record player. Now she understood why the TARDIS console supported a music format that old fashioned.

Donna entered the console room holding a record in a dark pink envelope. the Doctor was fully immersed in the repairs.

Donna asked: "Figured out why your box can't tell the difference between accessories and pestilence?"

"Hey, bats are actually extremely intelligent creatures. They hunt by sonar alone, like a submarine, and almost only eat fruit. They didn't mean to hurt you, your hair probably looked like two persimmons to them. You had your hair up." the Doctor countered.

"Whatever, Spaceman. Wanna hear some music? I found an old record." Donna asked.

"Where would you get a record?.. Oh, the storage room." The Doctor wondered for a second how he felt about Donna having been in there. He decided it was fine. He didn't need to keep secrets from her. At least not a lot.

"Sure! I miss Gallifreyan music. It's really quite extraordinary, Donna!" the Doctor said with a smile.

Donna walked over to the record player, put the record in, and pressed play. No music was heard. At least, Donna didn't hear any.

The Doctor instantly realized what song that was. He hadn't heard it since he was a Time Tot. He thought it ironic that this song played at this specific time.

He'd been needing to pee a bit during the trip to the bat planet, but had chosen to ignore with all the focus he had, to avoid awkwardness while all these adorable bats flew around him. Until now, he had held it in for about 2-3 hours, including the time spent sort-of fixing the console.

His bladder and sphincter nerves reacted instantly to the soundwaves. The pressure increased and he could feel the muscles containing the liquid vibrating as if to warn him of impending release.

He knew he had to act NOW!

He urgently yelled at Donna: "STOP THE MUSIC!". Donna was confused, but did as he asked.

"Thanks, Donna", he said, once he managed to compose himself, and re-tighten his muscles.

"What's the matter?", Donna asked.

"Nothing."

Donna didn't believe it for one second: "Oh, don't give me that nonsense. You just yelled bloody murder at me to stop the record. Tell me. What's wrong with the music? Or lack of music?"

"I just hate that song. You see, Time Lords are telepathic, we can talk to each other through our minds. Our songs are played through telepathic soundwaves. Your human ears can't detect them. Just, don't play that again okay?"  
"Okay!", Donna said, while moving her finger towards the "play button. She knew it was more than hatred involved, and wouldn't give up her search for answers that easily.

The Doctor saw Donna about to play it again, and panicked.

"DONNA STOP, please don't play it, please, just don't, please!" he yelled.

Donna retreated instantly. Now she had him.

"Okay, I won't. Just tell me this? Why are so scared of the song?", she asked.

"What? I'm not scared", he lied.

"Oh really. You practically begged me not to play it. Twice. You want me not to play it? Then tell me what's wrong with the song.", Donna said, with her finger hovering over the play button.

Now, the Doctor knew he had no choice. "Alright! I'll tell you.. Let's sit down."

They sat down next to the console, facing each other.

The Doctor took a deep breath and started.

"It's a toilet training song."

"What?", Donna said.

"You know when kids are about three years old, they start toilet training?"

"Yeah?".

"And parents sometimes use songs to, help the process.", he explained.

"Yeah", Donna replied.

"Well, that song", he said, pointing to the record, "is what my mother played for me when I was that age."

Donna started to understand. "Your mother used that song on you when you were a toddler?"

"Well, on my planet we call them Time Tots, but yes."

"Hold on, I still don't get it. Why are you so scared of a toilet training song?", Donna asked.

At this, the Doctor blushed and looked down with his eyes closed. This was it. The reveal of the most embarrassing secret he knew. Well, one of them.

"Ehm... Because.. it still works.", The Doctor admitted.

Donna suddenly realized what the Doctor just said. She burst out laughing. The Doctor covered his face in his hands.

"Are you serious", Donna asked, containing her laughter as to not embarrass him unnecessarily.

"Oh yes!", he replied.

"That song still works on you?"

"Oh yes it does", The Doctor said, emphasizing how well..

Donna chuckled.

"Now I see why you begged me to stop.. but how is that even possible?", she asked.

"I don't know, Donna! Doesn't matter. Can we drop it, please?", he begged, slightly humiliated.

"Yeah, of course. I'll put the record back where I found it.", she said, putting the record back in its case, and walking back towards the storage room.

Simultaneously the Doctor remembered what his body had wanted to do.

"Right, while you do that, I'm gonna pop to the loo! Be right back", he announced, running down an opposite corridor.

Donna smiled at that and kept walking.

They both laughed at this funny event the rest of the day, with the Doctor only slightly annoyed.


	2. Going before you leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor hates two things socially: Having to go to the loo when he doesn't really need it, and sharing said "need" with Donna. The TARDIS disagrees.

The TARDIS landed with a thud, and the Doctor checked the monitor

"London, England, 1453, right next to the Blackfriars theatre. Lovely!", he said with glee.

"OMG! Is Shakespeare alive? Can we go see him?", Donna asked.

"Not yet. But there's still plenty of entertainment. the Blackfriars theatre actually preceded the Globe as the popular venue for actors. Shakespeare will perform some of his very first plays here in a couple of decades."

"Alright, then let's go! I have always wanted to see Elizabethan England, with there funny collars and baggy trousers", Donna said with a laugh.

"Well then, Allons-y!"

"Oh hold on a sec. Mum always told me to pop to the loo before going anywhere. Do you need to go?"

-"Nope, not yet. Big Time Lord bladder. Only need the loo every few days, depending on how much I drink. You go on, I'll wait"

"K, thanks", Donna said hurrying down a corridor. She came back a bit later.

Excited to explore, Donna then walked to the door, ahead of the Doctor, but found the TARDIS door locked, with the ship giving a small shudder. Neither noticed.

"Doctor, the door's locked."

"What do you mean it's locked? It's never locked." The Doctor tried the handle, to no avail.

the TARDIS shuddered again this time strong enough for Donna to feel it. the TARDIS spoke telepathically to the Doctor:  _Aren't you forgetting something?_

 _' What'd you mean? Got my sonic, psychic paper, toothbrush, glasses. Everything. I'm all ready to go_.' he thought back to her.

The TARDIS replied:  _That's not what I mean, and you know it._

The Doctor did know.  _I'm fine_ , he replied back to his ship.

' _No, you're not'_

The Doctor replied back with more emphasis: ' _I said, I'm fine.'_

' _You won't be later. You may have fooled Donna, but you're not fooling me.'_

' _I'll be fine, it's just a couple hours.'_

' _In Elizabethan England..',_ the TARDIS said as a counterargument

At this, the Doctor rolled his eyes in frustration.

By now, Donna knew all about the Doctor's telepathic link with the TARDIS. At this point, however, she wanted to know what was being said.

"What'd she say?"

"Nothing. She's just being stubborn". At this, the TARDIS shook indignantly.

"Why isn't she letting us out?", Donna asked.

The Doctor replied: "It's not you, it's me. She thinks I'm not ready to leave."

"Which I am!", the Doctor yelled at the TARDIS.

The TARDIS once again said ' _no you're not.'_

The Doctor crossed his arms in defiance.

"Why does she think you're not ready?"

"Doesn't matter."

'  _Really? It doesn't matter? I seem to recall it mattering quite a bit, last time you were in this era.',_ the TARDIS said.

She was referring to his trip to 1599 with Martha. He'd been needing to go, back then too. Quite badly, as well.

The Doctor remembered the discomfort well. He sighed in resignation.

' _So? That was different. There were witches._ ', he spoke back to the TARDIS.

' _Point is, you can't know how long you'll stay, and then you'll regret it. Again.',_ the TARDIS shot back at the Doctor.

' _Come on. I'm not a child. I've got this, I promise. Only a quick wander, I'll make sure of it.'_ , The Doctor replied to the TARDIS. The TARDIS shook to show its scepticism.

He really hated that the TARDIS was extorting him this way. He really didn't want Donna to know he needed the loo unless it was an emergency, which this wasn't even close to. He stood his ground.

"What's the problem? What does she want you to do?", Donna asked.

"Nothing."

Donna didn't fall for that again. "Doctor. What does she want?", she said, with a serious look on her face.

The Doctor blushed and proceeded to answer.

"She wants me to go to the loo. I've told her I don't need to go, but she doesn't believe me."

This made Donna curious. She wondered why the TARDIS didn't believe him.

She tried communicating with the TARDIS.

' _why don't you believe him?_ ', Donna asked.

'  _Because it's not true.'_  , the ship replied

Now Donna understood why the TARDIS was keeping the door locked. The Doctor didn't need the loo that badly, and wanted to wait until after exploring 15th century London. She had to agree with the TARDIS, The Doctor was making a mistake.

"You know what Doctor? I don't believe you either", Donna said to the Doctor

The Doctor realized what the TARDIS must have told her. He still wouldn't give in. His pride was still more important.

"As I've already told the TARDIS, I'll be fine"

"No, you won't be. I'm starting to see why that song works on you. Come on Doctor, exploring on a full bladder won't be fun. There's no need to be embarrassed, it's a completely natural thing to do. It's alright Doctor, just go.", Donna said with her hands on his shoulders, looking at him with friendly eyes.

"It's not full… oh, nevermind. Alright then. Back in two ticks", The Doctor said, running towards a corridor.

"Don't forget to wash your hands!", Donna yelled jokingly after him.

"Always!", he yelled back with a giggle.

They both enjoyed an extra comfortable afternoon in old London, ending with dinner and a night at the newly opened inn, The Elephant.


	3. The Bus Ride, and an old friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 11th Doctor may think he can attend to his bladder without obstacles, but a certain cat-burglar acquaintance will prove him wrong.

The Doctor sat next to Amy on the bus. It wasn't any old bus, in fact, it definitely wasn't an OLD bus. It was the Silver City cruise shuttle, on the Planet Cristallia in the year 6572. The Doctor wanted at least one good memory of using public transport, and Amy had heard about the Midnight cruise, so she had insisted they take this tour of the planet's silver emerald falls. He squirmed slightly in his seat, cursing himself for agreeing to a tour of waterfalls. There was no water involved, but his bladder clearly didn't realize. 'I really should've gone in the TARDIS before this ride!' the Doctor thought to himself, while attempting, and failing, to loosen his suspenders.

"Hey, you alright?", Amy asked.

"What? Oh yes, perfectly fine, Amy.", he replied, while subconsciously starting to tap with his feet.

"You sure you're alright?"

"Of course.", the Doctor said with a smile.

" 'cause you're tapping your feet, and I know you're not claustrophobic. You've been trapped in a giant cube, twice. What's the matter?", Amy asked.

"Nothing. Nothing's the matter, Amy."

The Doctor crossed his legs and continued tapping his foot, bouncing his knee while wriggling a bit. Now, Amy figured out what was happening.

"Doctor? Do you need the loo?", Amy asked.

The question made him blush a little. He nodded.

"You don't know where it is?"

The Doctor shook his head.

"Alright, hold on Raggedy Man, I'll go check", Amy said, getting up

Two minutes later...

"It's down there, bit to the left. There's a little sign.", Amy said, pointing down the left side of the bus, from where they were sitting.

The Doctor said "thanks Amy," and headed to the loo.

On the way, however, he walked past a familiar face. Specifically, Lady Christina de Souza. She stopped him to chat.

"Excuse me, but your name is isn't the Doctor, by any chance?", she asked.

"Why yes, it is. Hello, again Christina. Remember me?", he said, squirming unnoticeably.

"Of course. Thanks for freeing me from those cops. See your fashion sense has gone downhill a bit."

"Oi, bowties are cool. And you're welcome. I stole a time machine, you stole a shiny cup belonging to a frankly, slightly pompous king. Hold on how are you here. This is the 66th century. Vortex Manipulator?"

"Yep. Didn't need your old police box in the end."

The Doctor considered protesting that, but agreed, it was an old machine when he had stolen it. Christina remembered seeing him walk towards something.

"So, where are you going? Stretching your legs? I heard there's an observation deck down that way.", Christina said, pointing back in the direction he came from.

This created quite a problem. His shyness about admitting his needs is only reduced around Amy due to this new regeneration being slightly more open. This was not the case around strangers, least of all, Christina, who'd followed him, when he'd tried to go in the desert the last time they met.

He resigned to mentioning their last encounter as a compromise. If he had to admit it, he could at least make it slightly easier.

"No thank you. Actually, do you remember when I wandered off in the desert and you followed me?"

"Of course."

"Well, I kind of intended to wander a bit on my own. Now, too, actually. I'll be… back in a bit.", he said, walking away successfully.

Christina replied after him. "Oh yes, of course. Sorry about last time by the way. Small misunderstanding.". She giggled at understanding how shy he had been, and still was.

"Wasn't small, exactly.." , the Doctor mumbled, making an awkward "one minute" gesture, sliding into the hallway where the toilets were. The End.


	4. Locked up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A prequel with Martha, featuring "the record". Enjoy!

The Doctor wriggled while fiddling with the lock on their prison cell, trying to sonic it open. Martha looked at him curiously. “Are you okay?” she asked. “Hm? Eh, yes I’m fine. Just trying to get us out” The Doctor replied. 

 

“Pretty sure the sonic can’t aim at the lock properly with you squirming like that” she pointed out.

 

“I know. Not exactly easy keeping still at the moment” he replied, shuffling some more. 

 

“How come?” Martha asked. 

 

The Doctor stood up and crossed his legs before answering,

 

“Well, I kinda need the.. you know,” he said scratching the back of his head shyly. 

 

“The loo?” she supplied helpfully. The Doctor blushed slightly

 

“Yeah,” he remarked quietly and went back to his attempted sonicking of the lock.

 

“What’s wrong with the toilet?” she asked, pointing to the silver toilet, with the typical sink built into the back.

 

The Doctor looked at her confused. “What..?!.. It’s out in the open!” he said, exasperatedly.

 

“So? It’s just me, I’m a Doctor too, what’ve you got to hide?” Martha asked, not getting it.

 

“I’m not hiding anything, I’m protecting my dignity. It’s awkward. I need my privacy,” he explained.

 

Martha smiled at the Doctor. “I’ll turn my back, obviously. No problem” she assured him.

 

The Doctor stood up sighing. He walked over to the bench and sat down to explain. 

 

“It’s not just that. I, physically.. can’t..,” he explained.

 

Now Martha understood. She wasn’t a Doctor for nothing, she’d heard of bladder shyness. 

 

“Oh,” she nodded in understanding.

 

“yep,” said the Doctor, crossing his legs, swinging his feet from side to side.

 

Martha thought for a second. Then it dawned on her. 

 

“Doctor? When you were little, did your mum ever play a song to you, to help..you know,” she asked him.

 

“Yeah, why?” he responded curiously at the sudden, odd question.

 

“Is the song on an old pink-wrapped record, in the storage room?” Martha asked. 

 

The Doctor raised an eyebrow in surprise.

 

“Yes! How did you know that?!” he asked.

 

“Because it’s no longer just on a record!” she responded, reaching into her bag and pulling out an iPod with earbuds, showing him the song from his childhood on the display, in small Gallifreyan letters only he could read. 

 

“You transferred it to your iPod?” he asked.

 

“Yeah, I was curious. But I don’t hear anything!”

 

The Doctor was ecstatic. “But I will! Blimey Martha, this will work brilliantly, thank you!” he said hugging her.

 

“Just turn around for me and play it when I tell you to, alright?” he said, getting ready at the toilet. 

 

“Alright,”

 

The Doctor unzipped and pulled *it* out. 

 

“All ready. Play the song!” he told her. She pressed play. Once again, no sound was heard, at least not by her. 

 

The Doctor thought helpful thoughts, albeit unnecessary, as his bladder reacted almost instantly to the soundwaves of the song. He started urinating in 3 seconds, his stream quickly turning loud. With the iPod next to her, Martha blocked her ears to give him privacy to relieve himself. The Doctor moaned/sighed happily in relief. His mind was fully occupied with enjoying the pleasurable sensation flooding through him. He finished, telling Martha to stop the song. He zipped up, flushed and washed his hands contently, now much more comfortable. 

 

“Right. That’s much better” he exclaimed with a smile. 

 

“All good?” Martha asked

 

“Fantastic! Brilliant! Molto Bene! Ooh, that’s a good word!” he replied. 

 

Martha suddenly remembered “the shoe incident at the hospital. She asked, “Your bladder’s quite a lot bigger than a human’s right?” she asked. 

 

“Yeah! How’d you know that?” he answered. 

 

“When we first met, and you had to expel the roentgen radiation, you did a quite obvious hop. Looking at your face it wasn’t exactly hard to figure out.. There was another way to EXPEL it other than your left shoe wasn’t it?” she replied with a questioning smile. 

 

The Doctor blushed at the knowledge that she knew, back then. 

 

“Yes, there was. Blimey, it itched! Really should’ve gone to the loo before we went to the moon” he replied.

 

“Then why didn’t you?” Martha asked.

 

“Two reasons. One: I didn’t feel it until the X-Ray thing, Two: Don’t like hospitals. Bathrooms included. Though, I think I’m gonna have to reconsider that” The Doctor answered. 

 

“Indeed you should. Don’t wanna get an infection,” Martha advised him

 

“I won’t get an infection!” he said, as Martha glared at him skeptically. He nodded admittedly. She had a point.

 

“But how long does it take for you to need the loo?” she asked.

 

“2-3 days, depending on fluid consumption” the Doctor replied.

 

“2-3 days! Blimey, that’s a long time!” Martha replied amused and surprised.

 

“Yeah” he replied giggling. Martha chuckled with him. They both smiled at each other in silence, waiting patiently to be let out. They got back to the TARDIS and continued their travels. Only now, the Doctor had a Doctor reminding him to go the loo before leaving the TARDIS, every three days. “No objections!” she always said. The End.


	5. An Alternative Style of Running

The Doctor was running in front of Donna and Jenny, all three running to find Martha, and not get shot by Cobb’s underlings. After a while, Donna was noticing that they were starting to almost keep up with him, which didn’t usually happen. She knew it was important for the Doctor to be at the front, since he knew more than her about, well, everything, especially how to avoid being shot by human clone soldiers from space. So she slowed down to maintain her and Jenny’s position behind him. It was while focusing on her pace, that Donna noticed how the Doctor was running. He usually did kick his legs about like a jaguar, but this time, his legs were not only more stable, but clenched together, whenever they were off the ground. He kind of looked like he was doing yoga while running. Nonetheless, it was highly unusual. 

 

“Does he always run like that?” Jenny asked, equally curious. 

 

“As far as I’m aware, never,” Donna replied. 

 

“So you don’t know why he’s doing that now?” she asked. 

  
“No clue” Donna confirmed. 

 

They came to a stop at yet another multi-numbered sign. While the Doctor studied it, he once again kept his legs shut together, his face obviously frowning. 

 

“Doctor? Are you alright?” Donna asked, concerned. 

 

His frown changed from constrained to nervous. His excessive need for the loo was difficult enough to deal with, without having to tell his companion, when there wasn’t anything either of them could do about it at the moment. 

 

“Yes, just a bit...tired,”  The Doctor lied, fully aware that he was rarely tired during adventures, and never, in the presence of a companion. His Gallifreyan biology ensured that. 

 

Donna let the matter rest, despite not believing him in the slightest. So far, she had never seen anything exhaust the Doctor, so him being tired now, didn’t sound plausible in the slightest. There was definitely something wrong with him though. She resolved to ask Martha. She was a Doctor. Whatever the Doctor was hiding, she’d probably seen it before. 

  
  
  


The Doctor found the Source in what looked a lot like the botanical gardens. It was then, that Martha reappeared, followed by a small group of Hath. It was a sweet reunion. Apparently, Martha had managed to help a major officer by re-adjusting his shoulder, WHILE in a potentially dangerously radioactive area. 

 

It was while hugging the Doctor that Martha realized something was wrong with the Doctor. His muscles felt really tense in the hug, like he was keeping something tight. She dismissed it as him simply still being uncomfortable with having a daughter, not to mention the way he got her. 

 

Donna walked over to Martha and quietly asked: “You haven’t noticed something odd about the Doctor, have you?” 

 

“Yes, I have. He was really tense when I hugged him. What did you see?” Martha replied. 

 

“He was running really weird, with his legs clenched together, also when standing still. He was frowning, looked worried,” Donna explained. 

 

It was her description of the Doctor’s legs that made Martha instantly aware of what was wrong with him. She shook her head and rolled her eyes in mild, exasperated disbelief. After all her reminders… 

 

“I can see why he would be..” Martha remarked dryly. 

 

“You’ve seen it before then?” Donna asked. 

 

“Sort of. Similar enough. I really thought it wouldn’t repeat itself! ‘specially considering what I told him.” 

 

“So, what’s wrong with him?” Donna asked. 

 

“He needs the loo. Quite badly, probably, considering how tense he is.” Martha clarified. Donna nodded in understanding.

 

“So, this has happened before then?” 

 

“Once. I told him not to let his pride hurt his bladder, even reminded him to go several times before most of our adventures, and now, the second I leave, he goes right back to old habits!..” Martha exclaimed, scoffing. Donna nodded in agreement, albeit with zero annoyance, but lots of sympathy. 

 

The two women decided to look for a bathroom for the Doctor. One of the Hath pointed out where one was.

 

Donna walked over to the Doctor, who, unbeknownst to him, was squirming while talking to General Cobb. 

 

“Martha told me what’s wrong,” Donna told him. 

 

The Doctor’s eyes grew wide. He blushed, and looked down at the ground awkwardly.

 

“Has she now..” he replied, giving a half-hearted attempt at denial. 

  
“Yes. And it’s alright,” Donna reassured him by stroking his shoulder. 

 

“We asked around,” she explained, beckoning him to follow her. 

  
They stopped in front of a door with a toilet symbol. 

 

“Thanks, Donna. And Martha, too,” the Doctor remarked gratefully, ceasing his embarrassment. 

 

“Next time, tell me. It’s completely natural, there’s no need to hide it. It’s no problem,” Donna reminded him kindly. 

 

“I’ll try. Be right back,” he replied, with a half-confident smirk to the right, before walking into the bathroom. 

 

Once  _ situated _ , the Doctor considered what Donna had told him to do. He did trust Donna, he felt even more comfortable around her, than with Martha, so the fact that Martha was a Doctor and Donna wasn’t, wasn’t a problem. Despite his general shyness, the Doctor resolved to at least try, after all, he had a bigger vocabulary than most humans and other species, probably.  _ So I can probably find some subtle way of hinting to her, when I need to go,  _ The Doctor thought, with confidence.

 

He walked out with a big relieved smile on his face, to the sight of both Donna and Martha. 

  
“Better?” Martha asked. 

 

“Much better. And Donna talked to me, won’t happen again”, the Doctor replied, raising his eyebrows in disdain, and for emphasis. 

 

“Good,” Martha said with a chuckle, already forgiving him. 

 

The had a nice chat about “the prison cell” incident as they walked back to the TARDIS. The End. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I’m running out of ideas. If you have any prompts relating to the Doctor and Donna(no more Martha), tell me in the comments! Thank you so much!


	6. A Shadow-y Proclamation of Need

“The Time Lords are the stuff of legend.  _ You _ , cannot possibly exist,” The Shadow Architect looked at the Doctor with awe. 

 

The Doctor didn’t think he’d ever get tired of hearing about his people’s reputation. Right now, however, was not a good time. Both because the Earth had been moved, and because he’d forgotten to use the loo in the TARDIS before meeting her. He squirmed slightly.

 

The Shadow Proclamation had collected knowledge on several planets that had been taken, along with the Earth. He looked at the names, none of them were connected. His mind went back to his (still) full bladder. He looked around. No signs. 

 

‘ _ Great. The one thing they  _ _ don’t _ _ proclaim is where the toilet is. _ ’

 

Now he had a problem. He had managed a good habit of telling Donna, even when there were others around, though in those cases, he only  _ hinted _ . Only, right then, he was surrounded by the Shadow Architect, and a psychic servant. He had experienced his problem being detected by a psychic before, by Gwyneth in Sneed’s house. He was  **not** taking that chance. 

 

Sighing, he decided to try a technique hadn’t utilized since high school. Telepathy, which was different from a psychic link, in that you didn’t need to touch someone’s temples. 

 

He reached out towards Donna’s consciousness and spoke to her:

 

‘Donna.’

 

‘Doctor? What’re you doing in my head?’

 

‘I’m using telepathy. I have a problem’

 

Donna instantly went into full “concerned parent” mode. 

 

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked. 

 

‘I er..’ 

 

Donna found out before the Doctor finished his sentence. A side-effect of telepathy is the appearance of doors in his mind, like the one Reinette opened and saw his loneliness. At the absence of an answer, Donna looked at the different doors. One of the doors were creaking, in and out, like there was a strong wind behind it. She opened it. Inside was a pair of crossed legs on display. 

 

Donna reacted with one word. ‘Oh..’

 

The Doctor blushed, visibly, and nodded. Luckily, no one besides Donna saw it, nor knew why. 

 

‘Here’s a thought. Does the Shadow Architect speak the same language as those rhino cop guys?’ Donna pondered. 

 

‘Judoon. Not entirely..they get taught exclusively the phrases, they need to command them with.’ The Doctor thought back to her. 

 

‘Then, why don’t ask them for directions in..Judoon?’ 

 

The Doctor mentally nodded. After the shadow architect had moved away to talk to the servant, he walked over to one of the Judoon. 

 

“wo ho flo ro flo sho kro so sho to ho flo sho bo blo to ho ro plo plo mo?/ _ Where’s the bathroom?” _

 

“do plo wo no sho to ho blo to sho ho blo lo lo wo blo yo dro sho plo no sho to ho flo sho ro kro go ho to/Down that hallway to the right,” the Judoon answered, pointing to one of the exits from the room he was in. 

 

He thanked the Judoon and walked off. 

 

He found the door, but found it was locked. As soon as he tried to open it, an AI program beeped into life. It was shown as a mini Judoon avatar. 

 

“Hello. This is the bathroom. What is your business?” it asked, the screen displaying three options. 

 

“My business, isn’t that self-explanatory.. Oh.” The Doctor suddenly realized what the door wanted to know. Specifics.. He blushed. 

 

‘Some security..’ he thought, resistant to the idea of  _ that _ being public record.

 

Nevertheless, he pushed the “raindrops” button. 

 

“Sorry. Your fingerprint marks you as “The Doctor. Species: Time Lord. Guest. Second verification necessary. Please use the voice option.”

 

The Doctor looked around. No one was around to hear him. 

 

“I need to urinate”, he answered, his voice lowered slightly. 

 

“Sorry. I did not understand that. Guests with accents are requested to speak up”

 

_ And I’ve got the weirdest one of all,  _ he commented to himself. 

 

The Doctor blushed thoroughly. 

 

“I need to urinate!” he spoke louder, begging for the program to hear him this time. 

 

“Understood. We wish you relief, and a pleasant day,” the Judoon replied, opening the door. The Doctor couldn’t help chuckling at the odd, but appropriate, greeting.

 

The Doctor closed the door, and walked over to the toilet. He unzipped, and started going, with great relief. He sighed in satisfaction. He finished, flushed and washed his hands, smiling contently. 

 

He returned, instantly asking Donna for hints about how the Earth was moved, to distract the Shadow Architect from the fact that he had left. 

 

The Doctor found a signal from whoever stole the Earth, and said goodbye to the Shadow architect. 

 

“Goodbye, Doctor. By the way, should you come back..” she started saying, before tapping on a nearby screen. It displayed a record of the Doctor’s visit it to the bathroom, with the time, length of visit, and  _ his business _ , with bio-scan results ‘no infections’. The Doctor blushed at the sight. 

 

“You’re welcome to ask me for assistance, especially if you’d like to  _ override _ the AI program..”

 

“Will do,”  he remarked, giving a two finger salute as he walked off with Donna, the latter laughing hysterically. 

 

“And that’s the last time I use the toilet in a police station..” he told Donna, conclusively. 

 

The End


End file.
